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How I'm feeling |
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Content |
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| Happy Birthday to me. |
| 09.03.06 (2:01 pm) [edit] |
I don't know why I feel as though I need to have a blog entry about my emotions right now.
I'm not going to vent, or say how depressed I am. Sure, there were no happy bithday messages on my other blog site, and that bothered me for a second. I realize that I need real friends outside of my home and my cyber being. But I am in a good mood.
Life is good.
I got an email birthday card from my biological grandfather. (Father of my biological father, whom I didn't really know.) It meant a great deal to me that he was thinking of me, that he took the time to set up an electronic reminder about my birthday (I don't have them set up for all the people I should) and that he took some sort of action to let me know he was thinking about me.
My toddler son is an angel, and my husband spoils me rotten.
We are working on getting the house settled up and a bit more "grown up." Most of the furniture is coming from Target, but that's a step up from the hand-me-downs and garage sale stuff we have in the house right now.
I got dinner at a place I almost never get to go. Got dessert there, and got a free shot of schnapps and free slice of cake for Hayden as well for it being my birthday.
This post is probably completely incoherrent, but I understand it, and I feel good for writing it.
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| Sometimes I need to vent |
| 08.19.06 (9:05 pm) [edit] |
I have another blog home. I use it on a regular basis, as in at least twice a week, sometime multiple times in one day. I love it for it's own reasons, but I am so damn sick of some of the griping my friends list has in it.
I am also incredibly tired of the "This blog is going Friends Only" warning. Can you be any more pre-teen in a blog setting that allows you to set up different levels of privacy? For the love of all that is sane, just set up a different group for the people you trust with all that is holy, for those you will tell about when you spilled coffee on yourself, and yet another group for the people you are cool with seeing your meme results.
If you can't even do that, I would really appreciate just being cut. Don't try to get me to prove to you that I am worthy of keeping access to your blog. Don't give me a forewarning that you'll be making slashes. Chances are that you can't even tell me my real name. Why the hell do I care if I no longer get to see your gripes about work and home repair?
Venting done. I now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.
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| Her Wedding |
| 05.29.06 (3:30 pm) [edit] |
I went to her wedding this weekend. I watched her glow and be absolutely the most beautiful she’s ever been. My eyes followed her down the aisle. I watched her smile as she looked at him; I saw her laugh during a pause in the ceremony. Though I couldn’t hear it, I could remember what it sounded like. I watched her put a ring on his finger though my view was a bit blurred. And I knew what September 8th must have been like for her years ago.
I found myself hanging on to a few words in their vows, being upset that at the choices they made. That the vows were promised “as long as [their] love lasts,” made me grimace. She deserves life-long happiness, and that she wasn’t willing to make the promise for life/didn’t believe in the idea of life long commitment/didn’t want to pressure him into that commitment/doesn’t know she deserves it forever/probably some other reasons I can’t verbalize hit me horribly hard.
The man I chose for my life tried to get me to see other reasons for the words. “The word death is morbid. We’ve never seen any other Celtic ceremonies; maybe that is the common phrase. It fits them better.”
I tried to explain that I know this woman. She chooses all words with extreme caution. I had hoped when she chose a mate, it would be with the same caution, but that the words implied otherwise to me. It finally came out that I am uncomfortable with her choice in her mate for other reasons, but again, my partner tried to cast light on this issue. Sleeping on those thoughts seemed to help a bit.
I love her, and I wish her great happiness. It may seem as though I am jealous, but I don’t believe I am. I just don’t believe in “them” yet, and that hurts me.
In my quick research on wedding vows, I found this one, which I am drawn to. I want to preserve it here.
“In the future, happy occasions will come as surely as the morning.
Difficult times will come as surely as the night.
When things go joyously, meditate according to the Buddhist tradition.
When things go badly, meditate.
Meditation in the manner of the Compassionate Buddha will guide your life.
To say the words ‘love and compassion’ is easy.
But to accept that love and compassion are built upon patience and perseverance is not easy.”
Another aspect of their ceremony that I wholehearted agreed with, “You may now kiss your partner.”
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| Line break issues |
| 05.21.06 (7:58 pm) [edit] |
What is the difference between plain, simple and advanced views?
Why in my "Add a Post" screen is there a space between these sentences and there isn't when I publish the post?
Do people really use [br] that much in writing their everyday blogs?
Or am I missing something insanely easy?
Help.
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| Whining away. |
| 05.21.06 (6:56 pm) [edit] |
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I don't know what to say anymore. I feel like there is so much out there that I haven't even begun to explore. But the thought of all that necessary drive to get anything done exhausts me.
Not happy enough with my job. Not unhappy enough to do much about it.
Job limbo sucks.
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| My life these days. |
| 05.05.06 (11:16 pm) [edit] |
You may read below about the job search I was on.
I went on a couple of interview with actual companies, rather than just with temp agencies, and I took a job at a country club. I am the full charge accountant for Royal Oak Country Club. It's about a 35 minute drive, but I've found I like having home and work that much separated.
Most of my co-workers are cool. I connected really well with one woman, only to have her leave the club last month. I hope to continue a friendship with her. We've had lunch once, and there is a promise of another one.
I would love to be able to go see her in the evenings or on a weekend, but K doesn't seem to understand that if he's out with his friends one night, I don't want to take the other weekend night away from the two of us in order to go out on my own. I wish he would stop going out on Friday or Saturday. But I don't feel right asking him to stay home when he is so stressed out about all the work load he's handeling right now. I wonder if he justifies going out as he's offered to let me go out too... I also wonder if he then realizes that we will have very little couple time if we're both going out separately all the time.
I'm tired and I should have gone to bed long ago, but I can't seem to find the drive to pull myself off my ass and go up two flights of stairs. Eventually I will get there, right? This chair is very comfy, though...
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| Something I'm considering.... |
| 04.23.06 (7:43 pm) [edit] |
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I love to cook, and I know that it is by no means a new idea... but I think I'd like to start keeping a record of all the new recipes I try.
Tonight is a tenderloin roast with thyme and sherry vinegar with scallion butter. To go with, I'm doing sweet mashed potatoes made with soy milk and a mediteranian salad (with left over artichoke hearts from last night's pizza).
I'm also considering secretly working my way through a cookbook... not anything like Julia's or anything. I'm most intrigued by the idea of working my way through "The best recipes from backs of boxes and labels." I couldn't bring myself to go in order of the book, but I'm contemplating it.
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| I don't know for how long, but I'm back |
| 04.22.06 (1:38 pm) [edit] |
I realized that I miss having my own blog, with few people who know who I am personally.
So, I'm back, kinda.
I took a job as a country club accountant. I like it, most of the time.
My son is 19 months old, and loves going outside and looking at birds.
My husband and I have a realtionship that gets better each day, and we had a good one to start.
I'm going out tonight, to do some improv with some very talented improvisors.
I'm good. And I appreciate you listening and caring, for those of you who do.
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| Hayden's Birthday |
| 09.12.05 (5:58 am) [edit] |
...was a huge success. People came over around 1:30-2 (cause our friends always run a little behind), and many stayed quite a while. Despite the "Your presense is the only present requested" policy, he still made out with a Barnes and Noble gift card, a Shel Silverstein book, a new sleeper, and a cake for the adults. (Grandparents, aunts, uncles and parents provided gifts, too.)
Popcorn chicken never got made, but a ton of food was left over anyway, so that's for the best.
Hayden's cupcake was well received after a bit of examination.
Then there was playing with all the new toys, both by Hayden and a few adults at the party.
We had people write letters to Hayden on his first birthday, and they are great--lots of love and great memories.
Then a nap, then dinner, then finger painting.
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| Haven't blogged much |
| 09.09.05 (6:01 pm) [edit] |
Not depressed, not lost, not dead... just not really in the mood to deal with TBlog and its temper tantrums.
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| Password Protection |
| 09.06.05 (6:51 pm) [edit] |
Code entered for my records. No password on this blog... but who knows when I'll create another, super secret blog?
< HEAD >
< SCRIPT language="JavaScript" >
< !--hide
var password;
var pass1="abcdefghijklmnopqr stuvwxyz";
password=prompt('Do I trust you?',' ');
if (password==pass1)
alert('Password Correct! Click OK to enter!');
else
{
window.location="http://www.tblog.com";
}
//-->
< /SCRIPT >
< /HEAD >
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| Day Care Walk-through Day |
| 09.01.05 (7:31 am) [edit] |
Going on a walk through of a day care center today.
This is hitting me much harder than I would have expected, considering I'm not actually even signing Hayden up for the place. I was crying last night... but then again, if you know me, I cry if a drop of milk lands on the counter.
Topics I'll try to ask about:
Hours
Holidays
Weekly costs
What do I need to provide for Hayden daily
Sick policy
Safety precautions:
Emergencies (both widepsread and personal)
Pick up policy
Staff certifications (general care, first aide, cpr)
Background checks
Staff to student ratios
Turnover in staff
History of injury or death
Medical staff on site
Discipline
Drop in policy
General site security
Web cam access
Those with daycare expereince (or not), I would welcome any other types of questions I should ask.
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| Troublesome Mondays |
| 08.29.05 (10:49 am) [edit] |
Weekend was fantastic. Where did it go? I want it back.
I have a very fussy baby, who is finally down for a nap. I'm guessing this is the only one I'm gonna get today.
I have a line of ants trying to invade my kitchen. I have mopped, sprinkled cinnamon, put down vaseline... I'm not sure any of it is working as well as all the websites say they will.
Called a local childcare center. They have one opening for a 1 year old, but can't hold the opening without a significant downpayment. Since I haven't been in to see this place yet, I'm not putting any money on it. Have an appointment for a walk through on Thursday. Hopefully the spot will still be open then. :)
Sent off a followup email for one of the jobs. Hope I get an interview. BIL gave a good point why they might only ask for a HS diploma in the ad. That way, any workers they already have who don't have a degree can't complain that there's no advancement.
Cross your fingers for me, and pray for the south. Lots of family down there. :(
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| Randomized Meme |
| 08.23.05 (10:46 am) [edit] |
10 Years Ago: I was starting my sophomore year of High School.
5 Years Ago: I was starting my senior year of College.
1 Year Ago: I was getting ready for the birth of my son.
Yesterday: I drove to Dayton to have lunch with my husband.
Tomorrow: I will do more around the house.
5 Bands That I Know The Lyrics to Most of Their Songs: Meat Loaf, Green Day, Joss Stone, Weezer, Alanis Morisette
5 Things I Would Do With $100,000,000: Completely finance Hayden's college fund, along with funds for a few other children. Go back to school to get another degree (teaching? religion? Heck, both). Pay for private school for my sister. Design and build my dream home. Buy lots and lots of art.
5 Locations I’d Like To Run Away To: Germany, Switzerland, England, New Orleans, Alaska
5 Habits I Have: Dig fingernails into my cuticles. Scrunch my mouth to one side when I'm thinking. Squeeze three times if I care about someone. Sort laundry as soon as it gets to the washing machine area. Say "thank you" for almost everything these days (or I try to.)
5 Things I Like To Do: Write, paint, sing, cook, clean.
5 Things I Would Never Wear: a tie, socks with individual toe areas, makeup everyday, a full length fur coat, a swastika
5 TV Shows I Like: Monk, The 4400, Gilmore Girls, MythBusters, Charmed
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| Another resume submitted |
| 08.22.05 (1:20 pm) [edit] |
I'm probably overqualified for this one as well, given a college degree, a professional certificate and some experience, but oh well. (They are only asking for a high school diploma, so they probably aren't offering enough to pay for childcare, but I'd figure I'd see.)
Cost Accounting Clerk (which is the type of Accounting I want to do)
Near by (about a 15 minute drive... no highways)
Upward mobility
Entry level position
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| Friendless |
| 08.19.05 (5:56 pm) [edit] |
My best friend is moving to Utah. I live in Ohio. That's too damn far.
*cries*
I've been saying, "Yeah, right, you'll never move" for 4 years. This time, she told me about the opportunity for her husband's job, and I said, "Good luck."
Damn my lack of jinxing her again.
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| In.ter.view with te.m.ps.oft.heac.cou.n.tt..ype |
| 08.19.05 (2:15 pm) [edit] |
So, I am way overqualified for most of what they offer. Oh well. It was 2 hours or so out of my life, and you never know... they could turn up with something amazing for me.
I go in, I fill out lots of paperwork.
I take 5 computer tests. I am very frustrated with myself in all of them. I tend to be hard on my scholarly endeavors.
I finish up with loads of time left over. Walk out. Woman says, "You did very well on the tests." I kinda roll my eyes and say thanks.
Get into the interview. Higher level woman says, "I've never seen scores like this." I roll my eyes again and say thanks.
I got mid 80s and 90s on all five. Average score is mid to low 70s on all of them.
Mid 80s and 90s are NOT acceptable by my standards. I can only imagine what jobs they have for people who average mid 70s.
Is there an :roll: emoticon here? There should be.
Edit: So this post was getting a lot of comments of the Alk ;lakrtgaj; variety, comments disabled.
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| Jobs |
| 08.19.05 (6:04 am) [edit] |
Just applied for a local admin assistant position.
Have an interview with Accountemps today.
Regretting both already. :)
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| Christianity again |
| 08.18.05 (8:31 am) [edit] |
Having knowledge about a document is indeed important. In the case of the Bible, a reader can learn a version of history that they may not have access to without it. It can be a source of moral guidelines. It can be a source of self-discovery.
I don't believe that looking at a document in order to try to find faults with it leads to greater understanding of anything, especially not the self. If you are looking for fault elsewhere, in my experience, there is a lot of fault in your own being. Trying to place blame elsewhere does no good.
The Bible is man's words about God. All spiritual works are. But the Bible is still a work that can lead to enrichment, either through belief or study.
I do believe in God and personally in the fact that Jesus was sent to Earth by God in order to reach certain types of people (and therefore can be considered the son of God.) I am a Christian who believes that the idea of the six-day creation is just a parable. Who says that those six days were 24-hour days that we know now? My belief is that man wrote the Bible, in terms that man can begin to understand.
My beliefs come from personal reflection on life. I personally don't believe that a complex being such as myself could exist without a higher power doing something at some point. I cannot point to experimentation that led to my beliefs. I can just say that after study, thought, more study, lots of times of depression in which thought and study were exhausted and then questioning those who had more knowledge on inner peace than I did, I began to believe that a God must exist. Anyone who can point to a page that leads to understanding of the world is a fool, in my opinion.
I don’t believe that I ever made a statement that would imply that my beliefs sprang from something concrete. I don’t believe peace can come from something concrete, unless you are an infant with a lovie.
When it comes to personal beliefs, I would strongly advise careful reading and editing of comments if you wish to not put people on the offensive. Blogging is not “just blogging” to me and to many others.
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| Comment that I like |
| 08.17.05 (9:39 am) [edit] |
This is a comment I wrote for another blog. Here for posterity.
I won't give a back story. If you are that interested, you can go to kupov's original post.
You misread or misinterpreted my comment. Biblical’s first definition is “1. of or in the Bible.” Biblical knowledge is knowledge OF the Bible. In a previous comment, I said, to know about the bible is to have a concrete knowledge. I never said that the bible PROVIDED concrete knowledge. Knowledge OF the Bible is concrete, in that the Bible does exist and to know what it says is to have a knowledge. As Kupov said, to believe the Bible is another matter….but my point is that belief in just about anything falls in this same category, and therefore his point is moot.
You tear into my gravity example… yes, we understand gravity now. We didn’t before Newton. (Yes, it could be seen, but we didn’t understand why.) For years, people thought the earth was flat, and then people traveled via boat. We thought the sun revolved around the Earth. Now, if you believe scientists or have traveled into space, you know differently. Examination is what leads to understanding. I don’t believe that reading the Bible to find fault is true examination. In looking for fault, it can be found.
I personally don’t view the Bible as the ultimate in God’s word. The Bible was written by man, edited by man, published by man, and sold by man, and I believe God gives man free will. The Bible is a starting point (as are other spiritual works) but it is by no means the ending point. I believe that there is one Godly entity, with different faces in order to reach the masses…finding a starting point that works for you and working toward an ending point given all that you have learned is all that I think is necessary to get to heaven.
“Which one YOU believe has much more to do with your parents and your culture than it does with your ability to discover THE truth.” ~ kurtmaddox
Yes, that’s true… but the truth is out there, and I don’t believe that attempts to dismiss works that other people have found comfort in is the way to get to that truth.
“There is no need to convince you of that our concept of gravity is pretty darn close to how it really works.” ~kurtmaddox
I would argue with this sentence. How do I know that it isn’t the pressure of all the space around us pushing DOWN on me that keeps me from flying? How do I really know that it is Earth’s mass that pulls me toward it? To be honest, I don’t know for sure… but I BELIEVE that there are intelligent people out there who have studied and exhausted the research necessary to make this claim. I trust them.
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| Wonderful day |
| 08.16.05 (2:47 pm) [edit] |
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I love when my husband plays hookey from work. :D
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| Have to cook dinner now |
| 08.15.05 (2:14 pm) [edit] |
I am procrastinating.
I normally love to cook... but I just don't have it in me tonight. Of course, we don't have it in the checking account for me to not cook tonight. Grocery shopping is on the to do list still.
On hand:
Chicken
Broccoli
Carrots
Cauliflower
Onions
Potatoes
Feta Cheese
Cheddar Cheese
Cream Cheese
Sour Cream
Alfedo sauce
Soup, stuffed chicken breasts, pasta? Nothing sounds appetizing to me right now.
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| Insert Subject Here |
| 08.12.05 (4:03 pm) [edit] |
I desparately miss being an adult.
Yes, I am a mother--a very adult position normally. But speaking babble and wiping drool from a baby's chin is really old to me at this point. I love my son. I am very thankful that I have the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mother. I have wanted this since I wanted marriage...but my God, it's exhausting.
I'm not saying stay-at-homeness is more exhausting that single parenting, but it is sure is a hell of a lot more exhausting than I ever expected.
My rant comes from the fact that my husband just asked to basically spend a good portion of his weekend away from us. He's out playing poker (again is what I'm thinking) now... he'll call if he'll be later than 12:30. Tomorrow, he wants to play sand volleyball. He has to leave around 12:30... won't be back until probably 5 or later.
Sunday will be his day to catch up on his X-Box Halo game.
*pissed*
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| My admission |
| 08.09.05 (6:43 pm) [edit] |
:oops:
When I started blogging, I thought "meme" meant that it was a blog post that defined you... like it was a me-me.
I did my research tonight. Ummm... yeah.
Memes have as an important characteristic their propagation through imitation, a concept introduced by the French sociologist Gabriel Tarde. Imitation means to copy the observed behaviour of another individual. Typically imitators copy behaviour from observing other humans, but they may also copy from an inanimate source, such as from a book or from a musical score. Memes
What is your embarassing "Now I know" story?
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Read me:
Rules
Links I need:
Another me
Home Sweet Home
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